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We are thrilled to collaborate with Audible, Inc., the premier provider of high-quality audio narratives, to honor the voices, stories, and authors from the AAPI community — featuring Lily Chu who crafts delightful romantic comedies centered around vibrant Asian characters (her latest work, Drop Dead, is available exclusively on Audible). In this personal essay narrated by Summer Lin, R29 Beauty Director Sara Tan reflects on her romantic journey influenced by rom-coms and her path to embracing her identity as a leading lady.
The Romantic Comedy Inspiration
I always fantasized about my life mirroring that of a rom-com. Being the youngest of four siblings meant I was constantly surrounded by my older sisters’ influence and an ever-growing collection of teen romantic comedies. I envisioned finding someone akin to those iconic love interests — perhaps a charming jock who falls for an unexpected heroine; or the rebellious new kid with that enticing bad-boy persona; or even that seemingly irritating step-brother whose kindness surprises everyone. I enjoy narratives like in Drop Dead, where characters evolve from college peers into fierce rivals before becoming loving partners. This arc resonates deeply with me because it parallels my favorite film where pen pals transform into adversaries and eventually discover their love for one another — illustrating how your soulmate could be closer than you think.
A Struggle for Representation
Throughout my upbringing as a Filipino-Chinese girl in Aliso Viejo, which predominantly featured white residents, representation felt like an elusive dream — tied closely to my appearance. In pursuit of acceptance, I highlighted my hair to appear more blonde and emulated the fashion choices of girls from popular SoCal shows. Despite frequenting similar hangout spots as depicted on screen, none of those characters reflected me. Conversations around race were largely unheard; discussions about Asian customs or cuisine rarely occurred outside the walls of my home.
The College Challenge
This struggle only intensified when I enrolled at UC Santa Barbara—a quintessential Californian beach school filled with sporty blonde students sporting sandals year-round and casual beach attire beneath their clothes. Trying hard to fit this mold only made me feel more disconnected from myself.
Navigating Relationships Through Lens of Insecurity
These internal conflicts affected how I approached relationships profoundly—often leading me toward men who were emotionally unavailable rather than fulfilling partnerships. I’d develop infatuations over guys spotted in classrooms or dining halls while adhering strictly to standards shaped by childhood rom-coms: tall stature, good looks, intelligence—all superficial traits that seemed relevant but did not equate true compatibility. My lack of self-confidence blinded me from acknowledging what truly mattered: being accepted for who I am rather than conforming to arbitrary ideals.
A Transformative Move
It wasn’t until relocating to Los Angeles post-college that genuine acceptance began—encouraged by such diversity surrounding me for the first time! My interactions introduced me not just socially but culturally; suddenly embracing both pride in my heritage alongside newfound friendships within Asian community initiatives became liberating experiences!
Cultivating True Love
I crossed paths with Matt at a social gathering several months later—it was refreshing! Unlike previous entanglements dictated by “checklists,” here everything flowed naturally without overthinking future possibilities hanging overhead—merely enjoying each other’s company allowed authenticity into our relationship space! That comfort soon transformed our dynamic significantly!
A Partnership Beyond Boundaries
I initially assumed following suit after marrying someone within my ancestry since both sisters had done so—but finding companionship across cultural lines revealed something unanticipated yet fulfilling entirely: Matt wholeheartedly values our differences alongside celebrating all facets encompassing who I’m destined to be beyond stereotypes just as evidenced through acts expressing familial devotion arising primarily through service built upon preparing beloved meals together regularly bonding us uniquely!
A Legacy Made Up Of Love And Consciousness
I wish nothing but better experiences ahead for my daughter hence actively engaging conversations surrounding her heritage—I’m devoted towards ensuring she embraces multiple identities gracefully whilst reinforcing self-love enabling confidence development throughout creative editorial pursuits directed towards advocating passionate messages aimed specifically at underrepresented girls longing appreciation unequivocally showcasing natural beauty never required validating comparison against others!
Pursuing Visibility While Embracing Authenticity
Bearing reflection struck highlighting evolving emphases about deserving love dwindled realization spotlighted empowering shift rooted internally examining insecurities previously devised checklists built-on societal standards remained purely external—the actual measure stems inherently validating authentic connection blossoming between souls aligning regardless temporal appearances diverging simplifies unity creating foundations grounded respect ultimately shining brightly when intertwined beautifully together amidst beautiful love existing beyond mere labels!
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